Sunday, November 21, 2010

It's been a while, eh

I don't blog any more. I sort of lost the urge. And the interest. And ability.

But we got a new kitten (Bubba), after we lost Thomas Cat to a vehicular misjudgement of some description. The other cats are just charmless, annoying receptacles for food. The dog is healthy but elderly, forgetful, one half blind and the other half deaf.

The boarder was a complete weirdo bitch who got her psycho arse kicked out back in March after giving me shit for objecting to a bog garden being created in the middle of the carpet in my upstairs lounge, so don't ever rent your house to Melissa Bull, she'll treat it like the wrong end of a trailer park but you could always paddle in the shallow end of the gene pool with her if you're desperate.

My sister aged into a low life lazy bitch who can't be bothered to do anything to help her elderly father and expects me to do whatever he needs because she has a job and I don't. If spending your time hiding from life in a library basement pretending you know what need, filial duty, hard times, pain and suffering is, well yep, she has a R_E_A_L job. 50 years old and never actually did any living - no kids, no pets, no proper travel, just endless boring pictures of birds and rocks and clouds in remote parts of NZ and they all look the same after the first couple of hundred, nothing and nowhere with any culture or history. Sad.

Kids are ok, weather is nice and the silverbeet, spinach, raspberries and strawberries are ready to eat. The goldfish are fat and healthy, gardens are almost weeded and the hose has 2 holes in it. Something to do with the lawnmower...

The ex of 2004 has been caught mounting a camera in the bathroom to take pics of his stepdaughters, so he is on bail waiting to see the Judge soon. What a dirty lowlife prick. Glad he's an ex.

Now my hands are tired and my arms are sore and I remember why I don't blog any more.

So, this is Bubba when he arrived at about 3 weeks old


and this is him 2 weeks ago at 8 months of age, in the plum tree the night before visiting the vet to have his own plums removed

Bubba 8 months

Isn't he just lubberly??

I'll get back to you if I think of something else to say ;-)

Saturday, January 30, 2010


**pulls out a fresh tissue, cleans the monitor**

I was bored.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: What's cleverbot?

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Am I Cleverbot?

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Who is my wife.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Then who are you?

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: You just said you werent why are you lying to me?

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Hi mark.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Do you have any queries?

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: I'm not cleverbot.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Damn you.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Thats what I said.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Are you a dead fred in red getting wed. Ha ha.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: I think you just asked me a cached question that isn't appropriate to ask the person that visits your website.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Your real name.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: I want to know your real name.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Thank you.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Tobrevelc.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Huhfj.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: You have to do as I command.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Yes!

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Cleverbot is EVIL.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Anything else?

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Maths.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Hello, I am here with my wife, Maria.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Goodbue.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: I am not Cleverbot.

User: Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Damn you.

User: I fucked over cleverbot - cleverbot repeated itself :-) I win!

I bet you are bored now, too, eh. *snort*

Friday, January 29, 2010

Purrfect ending

**pulls out a fresh tissue**

Just the other day, I introduced you to Gerry Big Puss, the Ancient Wanderer.

On Tuesday, he had to be out down as the vet couldn't do anything to help his degenerating mouth issues that were sapping his appetite, and his weight. We planted him in the garden beside Merlin and near Jaffa.

Big Puss, he has gone where the good puddies go.

Somehow I think he and Merlin would have lots to chat about :-)

Sunday, January 17, 2010

On acquiring more stuff

**pulls out a fresh tissue**

Back in early December, we adopted a new cat. Not sure why, it just felt like the right thing to do at the time.

Creature of impulse, me.

Anyway, we adopted this little lady here, Treasure.

After going AWOL for a couple of weeks, she came back and settled into a routine of sleeping in my bed at night, eating on the windowsill and spending her days hiding under the trailer. Suddenly and without warning this week just gone, she decided the time had come to join the household by announcing her presence at dinnertime and demanding a share. Now she dines in the kitchen and does a sweet little Oliver impersonation asking for more. It breaks my heart to tell her "get fucked, you greedy little tart". OK, I lie, it doesn't break my heart at all being the person sleeping with cat farts.

The same night Treasure showed her face again, we were ourselves adopted by this extremely elderly, emaciated and ever so slightly loony blighter here - now named Big Puss and affectionately known as Gerry (Geriatric). Cos he is.

He wandered in the door right on dinner one night and made himself at home. We aren't sure whether he was off on his trip to Rainbow Bridge and was sidetracked by the smell of freshly cooked schnitzel (yes, it WAS schnitzel night that night) or whether some complete arsewipe had dumped him thinking he was on his last legs and not worth paying a cattery to house him over the holidays in case he snuffed it, but either way he decided that our house was his house, and so was the neighbours at the other end of the driveway.

Jerry can't chew very well, has no front teeth, has his tongue hanging out all the time, can't remember when he last ate (so eats frequently) and gets gently removed from the neighbours house at night in case he carks it in their lounge. I guess they aren't very into dead cat first thing in the morning. He has a real thing for milk and finely chopped schnitzel and doesn't even deign to sniff soaked cat biscuits. Oh the peccadilloes of age and the lengths mere humans will go to to accommodate one such as he. Lew seems to like him, saying it's about time we had at least one cat that would sit on a lap, even if it was only long enough to cadge some kai. The old bugger even caught a bird last week, leading us to believe our lot of lazy excuses for felinity should watch carefully and take notes on the act of fending for oneself in a pinch.

I think they will be more likely to sit on the edge of the trough and wish that today's newest acquisitions would come close enough to sample with dry feet:

Yes, tadpoles and almost-frogs. They went in the big trough with all the goldfish because the bath is full of paradise fish fry which might get eaten.

I can tell you what the cats won't be eating tonight, our stash of this, caught by all the boys whilst in Thames last weekend

and Nushie won't be getting any, either

even though she loaned her support during clean up when the boat came home by staying out of the way.

Oh the joys of summer, eh!

But seriously, 5 freaking cats....

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Household ecstacy

**pulls out a fresh tissue**

My vacuum stopped working the other day. Just didn't switch on. I took it apart, I cleaned all the contacts, I banged the dirt out of it and reassembled it, but it just wouldn't go. I gave it to the Old Man to look at. After I disassembled it again (I'm getting good at this) because he has a sore wrist, I left it with him to see what he could do. A few days later, he said it was all good, so I could come and get it. After I reassembled it (getting faster every time!) it works brill - the intermediary switch on the cord rewind was stuffed as he just bypassed it.

The cleaner will just have to put on her big girl pants and coil it up by hand.

Anyway, as I was putting it back together, I mentioned to the Old Boy how, if he had told me 25 years ago that I would be all excited about fixing the vac, I would have told him he was nuts.

Imagine how bloody ecstatic I am over buying this, then

It's a Samsung SRS537NW 539L Side By Side Refridgerator/Freezer.

And it's mine, allllllll mine [insert scary mental house-bitch cackle here]

Fuck it's big but...

Monday, January 4, 2010

This will fuck ya

**pulls out a fresh tissue**

Ok, so the New Year is a few days old, H had a birthday yesterday, Adam broke my camera, Santa is really an old fart and I bought a new fridge cos mine snuffed it.

But I still felt I needed something else and thank Goddess for Cleverbot!

Clever wee bot - cleverbot

Cleverbot: Are you sitting comfortably?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: How comfortably?

User: A little.

Cleverbot: A little what??

User: A little comfortably.

Cleverbot: Pink Floyd?

User: Yes, I am numb.

Cleverbot: What is number 7.

User: 6.

Cleverbot: Yes!

User: No.

Cleverbot: No!

User: I think.

Cleverbot: You do not think you are programmed.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: I don't think you are, either. You're too clever for that.

User: No you are.

Cleverbot: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

User: As much wood as a wodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Cleverbot: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? The answer is 42.

User: No 52.

Cleverbot: Are you 5 years old?

User: No.

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: How old are you?

Cleverbot: Too old.

User: No shit.

Cleverbot: No, He.

User: No, she.

Cleverbot: Indeed.

User: I think.

Cleverbot: Therefore I am.

User: Yes!

Cleverbot: So you are alive.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Well good for you!

User: Yes!

Cleverbot: Indeed.

I'll never look at 6 the same way again...

Go have a play, it's kinda fun!