Here on the Eve of Destruction

**pulls out a box full of fresh tissues**

We are all going to die this today. The Mayans said so and while the Mayans had no idea of what life would be like in the space age, they faced their own fears and deaths in their society's equivalent. But their destruction didn't come via orther people and, according to them, neither will ours.

There's a calendar showing the time to countdown here 

And now a message from our sponsors brought to you by the letter M and the number 2012, from http://www.exploringlifesmysteries.com/2012-planetary-alignment

Since the Mayan calendar is based on cycles (read our article on How Does the Mayan Calendar Work to learn more), December 21, 2012 merely indicates the end of a cycle that began on August 11, 3114 BC. While there are wild interpretations as to what this date means, and many holiday resorts are booked out on this day, there is no evidence from any Mayan literature suggesting that the world will come to an end.
It is simply the end of the current Long Count, and December 22, 2012 will be the beginning of the next Long Count, or cycle in the Mayan calendar. In fact, the Mayans have names for the Long Counts, and the fact that they've named Long Counts beyond this one suggests that this won't be the last. It is significant, however, that we are entering a new cycle in the Mayan calendar.

This one sounds more like us.



Right, off to do a few last minute jobs, can't be shuffling off without everything being organised, eh ;0)

**pulls out a fresh tissue**

Time for a few (belated) Xmas gift ideas and I know that there really IS something for everyone at THIS site.


A few of my personal favs that I would be happy to find under my Chrissy Tree (if I had a tree) are:


#5 - Bigfoot Statue




#4 - Medieval Hand Blades (Useful if you have a Bigfoot in the garden)




#3 - The Water Jet Pack (this looks like fun apart from having to get wet...)




#2 - Jedi Bathrobe




#1 - Five Fingers Knife Set




Happy shopping and don't be stingy - who wouldn't love a Giant Gummy Bear or a Syringe Needle Pen in their stocking :-)


Merry Christmas!

Fucking WOOF!

**pulls out a fresh tissue**

I wasn't going to blog, but I will anyway.

This sad arsed, piss poor excuse for a dog is Tyler. But he does have a pedigree longer than a really long thing, if that helps.







We adopted him in January after Nushie left us forever in December. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her horribly.  But now we have the shortest big dog in the world, with an all consuming appetite for anything not nailed down (that is below knee level) and a green dragon to cuddle under his blankie with then it's time to go nigh nighs. Well it IS winter...

At least he's not a drug dog

It's been a while, eh

I don't blog any more. I sort of lost the urge. And the interest. And ability.

But we got a new kitten (Bubba), after we lost Thomas Cat to a vehicular misjudgement of some description. The other cats are just charmless, annoying receptacles for food. The dog is healthy but elderly, forgetful, one half blind and the other half deaf.

The boarder was a complete weirdo bitch who got her psycho arse kicked out back in March after giving me shit for objecting to a bog garden being created in the middle of the carpet in my upstairs lounge, so don't ever rent your house to Melissa Bull, she'll treat it like the wrong end of a trailer park but you could always paddle in the shallow end of the gene pool with her if you're desperate.

My sister aged into a low life lazy bitch who can't be bothered to do anything to help her elderly father and expects me to do whatever he needs because she has a job and I don't. If spending your time hiding from life in a library basement pretending you know what need, filial duty, hard times, pain and suffering is, well yep, she has a R_E_A_L job. 50 years old and never actually did any living - no kids, no pets, no proper travel, just endless boring pictures of birds and rocks and clouds in remote parts of NZ and they all look the same after the first couple of hundred, nothing and nowhere with any culture or history. Sad.

Kids are ok, weather is nice and the silverbeet, spinach, raspberries and strawberries are ready to eat. The goldfish are fat and healthy, gardens are almost weeded and the hose has 2 holes in it. Something to do with the lawnmower...

The ex of 2004 has been caught mounting a camera in the bathroom to take pics of his stepdaughters, so he is on bail waiting to see the Judge soon. What a dirty lowlife prick. Glad he's an ex.

Now my hands are tired and my arms are sore and I remember why I don't blog any more.

So, this is Bubba when he arrived at about 3 weeks old



and this is him 2 weeks ago at 8 months of age, in the plum tree the night before visiting the vet to have his own plums removed



Isn't he just lubberly??

I'll get back to you if I think of something else to say ;-)

Cleffa

**pulls out a fresh tissue, cleans the monitor**

I was bored.

User: Cleverbot.

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User: I fucked over cleverbot - cleverbot repeated itself :-) I win!


I bet you are bored now, too, eh. *snort*

Purrfect ending

**pulls out a fresh tissue**

Just the other day, I introduced you to Gerry Big Puss, the Ancient Wanderer.

On Tuesday, he had to be out down as the vet couldn't do anything to help his degenerating mouth issues that were sapping his appetite, and his weight. We planted him in the garden beside Merlin and near Jaffa.

Big Puss, he has gone where the good puddies go.

Somehow I think he and Merlin would have lots to chat about :-)

On acquiring more stuff

**pulls out a fresh tissue**

Back in early December, we adopted a new cat. Not sure why, it just felt like the right thing to do at the time.

Creature of impulse, me.

Anyway, we adopted this little lady here, Treasure.



After going AWOL for a couple of weeks, she came back and settled into a routine of sleeping in my bed at night, eating on the windowsill and spending her days hiding under the trailer. Suddenly and without warning this week just gone, she decided the time had come to join the household by announcing her presence at dinnertime and demanding a share. Now she dines in the kitchen and does a sweet little Oliver impersonation asking for more. It breaks my heart to tell her "get fucked, you greedy little tart". OK, I lie, it doesn't break my heart at all being the person sleeping with cat farts.

The same night Treasure showed her face again, we were ourselves adopted by this extremely elderly, emaciated and ever so slightly loony blighter here - now named Big Puss and affectionately known as Gerry (Geriatric). Cos he is.



He wandered in the door right on dinner one night and made himself at home. We aren't sure whether he was off on his trip to Rainbow Bridge and was sidetracked by the smell of freshly cooked schnitzel (yes, it WAS schnitzel night that night) or whether some complete arsewipe had dumped him thinking he was on his last legs and not worth paying a cattery to house him over the holidays in case he snuffed it, but either way he decided that our house was his house, and so was the neighbours at the other end of the driveway.

Jerry can't chew very well, has no front teeth, has his tongue hanging out all the time, can't remember when he last ate (so eats frequently) and gets gently removed from the neighbours house at night in case he carks it in their lounge. I guess they aren't very into dead cat first thing in the morning. He has a real thing for milk and finely chopped schnitzel and doesn't even deign to sniff soaked cat biscuits. Oh the peccadilloes of age and the lengths mere humans will go to to accommodate one such as he. Lew seems to like him, saying it's about time we had at least one cat that would sit on a lap, even if it was only long enough to cadge some kai. The old bugger even caught a bird last week, leading us to believe our lot of lazy excuses for felinity should watch carefully and take notes on the act of fending for oneself in a pinch.

I think they will be more likely to sit on the edge of the trough and wish that today's newest acquisitions would come close enough to sample with dry feet:





Yes, tadpoles and almost-frogs. They went in the big trough with all the goldfish because the bath is full of paradise fish fry which might get eaten.

I can tell you what the cats won't be eating tonight, our stash of this, caught by all the boys whilst in Thames last weekend



and Nushie won't be getting any, either



even though she loaned her support during clean up when the boat came home by staying out of the way.



Oh the joys of summer, eh!

But seriously, 5 freaking cats....

Household ecstacy

**pulls out a fresh tissue**

My vacuum stopped working the other day. Just didn't switch on. I took it apart, I cleaned all the contacts, I banged the dirt out of it and reassembled it, but it just wouldn't go. I gave it to the Old Man to look at. After I disassembled it again (I'm getting good at this) because he has a sore wrist, I left it with him to see what he could do. A few days later, he said it was all good, so I could come and get it. After I reassembled it (getting faster every time!) it works brill - the intermediary switch on the cord rewind was stuffed as he just bypassed it.

The cleaner will just have to put on her big girl pants and coil it up by hand.

Anyway, as I was putting it back together, I mentioned to the Old Boy how, if he had told me 25 years ago that I would be all excited about fixing the vac, I would have told him he was nuts.

Imagine how bloody ecstatic I am over buying this, then





It's a Samsung SRS537NW 539L Side By Side Refridgerator/Freezer.

And it's mine, allllllll mine [insert scary mental house-bitch cackle here]

Fuck it's big but...

This will fuck ya

**pulls out a fresh tissue**

Ok, so the New Year is a few days old, H had a birthday yesterday, Adam broke my camera, Santa is really an old fart and I bought a new fridge cos mine snuffed it.

But I still felt I needed something else and thank Goddess for Cleverbot!

Clever wee bot - cleverbot

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I'll never look at 6 the same way again...

Go have a play, it's kinda fun!

Are you the 1/100?

Or is it me? **pulls out a fresh tissue and snorts**

For the last week or so, the Crime and Investigation Channel has been advertising an upcoming programme about psychopaths and running a short trailer featuring images of people overlaid with an audio track that for some reasons manages to mention the word psychopath while the screen is filled with a picture of Gee Dubbya.

Is this some form of blatant, latent, very belated piece of electioneering propaganda or just a lucky happenstance? I'd like to think it's the latter.

I said I'd like to, not that I did ;0)

Here is the US trailer for the programme.



After that little number, somehow I found myself drooling over Gary Moore, I mean who wouldn't, right?



and whilst I laxed back to the Blues, I pondered that, if a definition and diagnostic symptoms of psychopathy are to be believed, the goal posts are going to have to be moved on a regular basis because psychopathy looks like the new black. Look at some of these listed traits and then tell me they aren't becoming more prominent in our youth.

Charming, eh.

PS this is a better ending

Hone your black motherfucker

**pulls out a fresh tissue**

Once upon a time, we had golliwogs. They were cool. We knew they represented a part of the human population and were held in the hearts of kids everywhere with fondness and affection. One day, someone decided that golliwog was racist and the next thing you know, poof! they weren't allowed in childcare centres, kindergartens, story books and you couldn't buy one in the shops. I don't think you can, even now.

Words like nigger and golliwog became signs of racism and were quickly expunged from the vocabulary of all rational-thinking society.

A bit down the line came laws about racist speech and hate speech and God help anyone who called someone a nigger, let alone a term like black motherfucker.

Last week, one of our non-pink ethnic type MPs got himself into a little spot of bother when he ditched a piece of his tax-payer funded, overseas representative meeting schedule to take a side jaunt to Paris with the missus and followed that with an email conversation with former Waitangi Tribunal director Buddy Mikaere in which showed where this particular MPs sentiments about his white skinned countrymen lie...

The email from Mikaere which drew the vitriolic response started: "Gotta ask the question eh? Who's paying for Hilda?"

The response from Harawira: "Gee Buddy, do you believe that white man bulls*** too do you?

"White motherf*****rs have been raping our lands and ripping us off for centuries, and all of a sudden you want me to play along with their puritanical bulls***."

Harawira added a postscript that he would be happy for the email to be made public: "If you want to take this to the press, go right ahead." more

Now I may be wrong, but if I can't refer to the Hones of the world as niggers or black motherfuckers, how can he get away with calling people white ones? Is that one more insidious little example so rife here of the Maori Double Standard where they want all the White Man's knowledge, his money and special rights as well? How fucking unusual! They scream about stolen land, white man's greed, and happily grow gorse and ragwort of huge tracts of Maori owned property because they are too lazy to clean it up, head into Politics and sponge off everyone with a bottle of piss in one hand and the other grasping anything not moving and then they call US white land-raping rip-off motherfuckers.

Hey Hone, go put on your grass skirt and get back to your pitiful whare on your shared ancestral scrubland and give up all the fancy toys, cars, plane rides, booze, KFC and anything else this white motherfucking race has given your "people" over the last couple of hundred years that your seem to treasure so highly and then you might just see how far Whitey brought a black motherfucker nobody called Hone Harawira.



They didn't have newspapers back then to show the world the opinion of one arsewipe Maori politician (as if anyone would have cared), but then none of them could read, anyway.

He's apologised for the email, but not the sentiments here, and you can read his pretend apology here.

Get a big one up ya Hone, you stink worse than dog shit under my shoe and the whole world knows it. I don't accept your half arsed pretend apology as anything more than what it is - hiding the bodies and wiping up the blood afterward because you fucked up big time. You're not so fucking sharp after all, are you.

##########################################

Too good not to post!

uʍop ǝpısdn

**pulls out a fresh tissue**

I watched a fantastic documentary tonight by Stephen Fry about bi-polar. It was very, very interesting, in some places very moving. Sometimes even I could empathise with Mr Fry's descriptions and I'm not bi-polar (I think it missed me). It gave insight into how one small thing can just fuck up life and turn your world uʍop ǝpısdn. Really.

It made me think about the wider implications of the out-of-warranty breakdown of other body features and the fallout; a path we are all walking in some form or another and I thought of two men whose lives have really been turned uʍop ǝpısdn, each walking the same trail, heading for the same unwelcome destination but chalking different landmarks along the way so they can find their way home.

I salute you both.

PS - Dear Mr Fry. We think you're very cool. Sincerely, Tish.
PPS - Can I have one of your overstocked PCs please? TIA.
PPS - Did I mention cool, yet?

I'm sorry but

LMAO



**pulls out a fresh tissue and dabs**

I'm baaaack

**pulls out a fresh tissue**

You missed me, eh. Come on, I know you did, don't be shy.

I have been on hiatus. That means I've been in a mental/physical/spiritual place that I didn't feel like blogging from. But the Spiritual news this week was too good to pass up (being the spiritual beastie that I be) - that Pope Bishop/King Brian I (he of the self-elevated titles and huge bonus) has just gained himself 700 virgins sons to kiss his ring and swear undying allegiance to Him. He's all upset because the backlash the media unleashed upon his Royal Bishopliness hasn't been very favourable to the Worldly One, which is hardly surprising when most of the thinking country isn't in a cult, nor are they dumb enough to see his "First Fruits as anything more than Spiritual Jam, or wet enough to think that any of this shit is normal.

Speaking of wet, that reminds me of a very old joke about two nuns sharing a bath and one says to the other "where's the soap" and the other one says "sure does". Think about it...

Michy, thanks for the shove to get my arse back here. We'll do physical health another night :0)

Wake up!

I'm back.

Now, if this comes with a dryer option, I want one ;-)

The Alternative Clothes Cleaner can also be used as a stylish and comfortable living room chair, making it a good-looking, multi-functional piece of furniture.

Snow business

**pulls out a fresh tissue**

H and her Youth Group went off to the snow at 4.30 this afternoon. Nearly five hours later they realised they were not where they were supposed to be. Someone forgot to tell the drivers that they were staying in Turangi and when H sent me a txt at 9.02, they were just leaving Taihape.

Taihape? WTF?

An hour+ further south than was desirable. In the dark; in the cold; without a clue.

Several txts back and forward discussing where they were and making sure they were indeed on Highway 1 and not National Park route and wanting to know "how long to Turangi", a Google search and a 2 phone calls later, they were confirmed to finally be heading in the right direction back up Highway 1. Last txt from H was "here nw nite love you".

A good lesson in planning a trip in daylight and pre-trip communication. Especially by the drivers. At least wasn't snowing on the Desert Rd - I'm sure she would have mentioned it.

As an aside, modern communication technologies do make some things so easy, eh. Here they are rocking on down the road at probably 80k in the dark on a strange road and the drivers don't even know where they are going and these upstanding Church Youth leaders are probably trusting God was taking care of them tonight when in reality it was Telecom, a satellite or 2 and Google courtesy of 50,000 years of Geekdom.

Geeks rock, eh.

PS - I'm back. ;0)

Where's the oinkment

**pulls out a fresh tissue**

Missed me? I missed you :-)

I got sick - a flu thing. I couldn't talk, I couldn't swallow for days. I'd drag myself out of bed and pretend to take care of business then crash back into it wishing I could stay there. I had high fevers, MS spasticity for Africa and at times couldn't walk, stand or lie down from the pain. My legs gave up along with my voice and I got a wee bit stuck one morning when the kids were asleep and I couldn't "do" for myself and needed help but couldn't get anyone's attention.

It wasn't great so I am going to get a personal alarm that will wake the dead which probably means it will wake sleeping teenagers as well.

Old people, young people, everyone still wanted a piece of the sick, middle aged person's pie and the plate came up empty.

Highlight? The sexy doc at the after hours clinic where I ended up being taken when I couldn't cope and a chest infection was looming to go with the throat infection.

Two weeks down, my anti-b's have run out, my chest infection is almost gone and I can almost talk without straining a foofoo valve but dayam, it's been a rough few weeks. I've barely even walked outside, let alone achieved any gardening.


Other selected items of importance:

Wacko Jacko snuffed it and so did Farrah Fawcett. So did lots of other people around the world, but they weren't famous so I can't tell you who they were.

Thomas has an abscess on the side of his face by his whiskers but decided doctoring wasn't required. It's almost gone. He also decided that eating at only one residence wasn't enough so has been dining in style at the neighbours before coming home for dinner and bed with Ads. Except for one night when staying by their fire was preferable to cold tootsies in the frost.

Frosts have been extreme and a pain in the bum washing ice off the car in the mornings.

I finally bought a new oven, but I haven't had a chance to get a sparkie to come and install it yet.

Best of all, I finally got to see the new Star Trek movie and it was GOOD.

At least I didn't have swine flu - I have no idea where I would have stashed all that pork.

In his own words

**pulls out a fresh tissue**

Adam came out of the kitchen tonight and said this;

"I hate cat food containers. No matter where you go in the room, the cats on them are looking at you".

I would have thought that was a good enough reason to get off his butt and put the shopping away, eh. He's right, though. I think it's a conspiracy...

4am wake up call

**pulls out a fresh tissue**

From this



to this



All I had to do was elbow him in the rib and he was all lovey dovey.

No wonder I can't get any sleep at night!

Pouring

**pulls out a fresh tissue**

It's a beautiful sunny day outside and I am sitting inside fixing the kids bloody computer. It fell over with a virus a month or so back, a nasty one and I just couldn't be bothered cleaning up the mess left behind when one of them visited something dodgy on the net and Avast let me down and didn't stop the infiltration of cyber-germ warfare. They have been forced to use the old, slooowww dual boot linux/XP box in the meantime and I finally got sick of the whining and started fixing it.

And fixing it.

And, well, you get the picture.

Their trouble free, goes and goes and goes old Compaq box just didn't want to go. I got the damn thing working fine except for a small problem of damaged components that wouldn't open ports to the outside world - ie no internet. It wouldn't let me repair them. Replacing them didn't work. I couldn't restore their disk image because Ghost couldn't read the hard disk.

It wouldn't even let me reinstall XP. Bastard thing.

So I took the hint that their main drive isn't a happy camper, stripped it back to the chassis and rearranged all their hardware, cleaned every nook and cranny of it, replaced all the proprietory Compaq screws that only a butter knife will undo with proper screws, replaced the CD writer with a DVD writer, put another spare hard drive in as a master drive and now, finally, it is installing XP like a good little computer on one partition of the drive.

Then all I have to do is move the data on partition #2 to another drive, format it, repartition the disk to be full size minus a small pagefile partition and reinstall all their multitude of games and apps and God knows what else.

A couple of days pissing about will have cured the whining, whilst the fighting over whose turn it is on the PC will crank up again.

A girl just can't win.

I think I'll go hide in my room and write a shopping list - it's time to replace my nearly 6 year old generic PC with a new, built by me jobbie and consign this one to being a movie and music network media server tucked away under my desk and thus free up a shit load of hard drive space on all the machines.

All I gotta do is figure out how to pay for the components... and not fuck it up during construction!